Helpless

Updated: Feb 12

The Vet spoke calmly, slowly, and respectfully as I panicked and repetitively told her over the phone that my hamster was having a heart attack or choking. He was not moving and would not wake up. I could not comprehend why she could not tell us exactly what to do! I mean, Lana and I tried putting water in its mouth, but it kept falling out, a few swallows, but overall the water just trickled out immediately.

I mean, my hamster was dying, and I needed to push on its stomach or something because it probably had something stuck in its throat. I was teetering between panic- HELP me- to for frig sake, it is a hamster. I just got the thing, and I killed it somehow. I tried remembering what I did to it – did I hold it too long, squeeze it too much, terrorize it while we were dancing and singing at the top of our lungs? I was in a panic; ‘someone do something‘ as my Mom came in the back door.

Mom, help us; the hamster is dying!”

The Vet proceeds to tell me that occasionally hamsters go into hibernation when they get cold and appear dead – but are just in a deep sleep. She stated that if the hamster does not warm up, it may die. She spoke about possibly rubbing the hamster to warm it up. I internally was pissed as she didn’t just ‘fix’ it! I know it is ‘just a hamster,’ but it is an animal – vets are supposed to help, aren’t they?

I hung up the phone, dispirited.

My Mom, who loathes any rodent, tried to help us heat him up with no luck. He continued to get more rigid and stiffer.

My friend and I were sickened. We placed his stiff body back in his enclosure, and Lana proceeded to go home.

I touched him off and on during the night- this incident was one of my first understandings of death. I was sad.

Sad that it appeared to me that a hamster had no importance to anyone but me.

I was powerless.

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